Why Men Hate Going to Church by David Murrow (© 2005 Thomas Nelson Books, ISBN: 0785260382 )

 

The cover photos for Why Men Hate Going to Church alone make Murrow’s thesis statement for him: the front shows a guy sawing Z’s in the front pew; while the back cover shows a guy sitting next to a young lady apparently lost in charismatic thralldom. Suffice it to say that guy’s not happy.

 

Murrow explains that it is not that men don’t like GOD, they just aren’t real fond of His organization. Murrow seems to have bought into John Eldredge’s thinking that men want life to be like a 40’s movie serial, e.g. “EXCITEMENT! ADVENTURE! ROMANCE! (but only with women!)” Ergo, many of the things that seem to be valued in church, such as harmony, cooperation, and nurturing, tend to be at odds with society’s expectation that men be aggressive, competitive, and achievement-oriented.

 

Another issue that comes up for grabs is the perceived feminization of worship: from the perception of “gentle Jesus, meek and mild,” to the Christianese that emphasizes feminine values (even the word “lost” as describing a non-Christian comes into question…consider the fact that men stereotypically refuse to ask for directions when geographically lost!), to the frequency that one’s spiritual life is described as a “love relationship” with Jesus (who was a man). Murrow describes the phenomenon this way: “I just saw a new book for Christian men: ‘Kissing the Face of God.’ An ad for the book invites men to ‘get close enough to reach up and kiss his face’! Time out—this is a MEN’S book? Yikes! With the spotlight on homosexuality in the church, why do we increase men’s doubts by using the language of romance to describe the Christian walk? Conservative churches may oppose homosexuality, but their imagery is sending another message entirely. The more we describe Christianity as a passionate, intimate, face-kissing relationship, the more nervous men become.”

 

Lest this be seen as a church-bashing testosterone fest, however, Murrow does bring in the viewpoints and suggestions of those who are effectively reaching men to offer solutions to a very real problem.

 

In short, Murrow’s solution to “why men hate church” is to let men BE men. Go outside the church walls into the outdoors; let them cut loose rather than having to be quiet, somber and serious; give men what he refers to as BHAG’s (Big Hairy Audacious Goals); and finally, “leave no man behind,” make sure men have “spiritual” fathers and a band of brothers.

 

Murrow finishes his manifesto by pointing to several men’s ministries that are making his visions reality: from Promise Keepers to the Purpose-Driven movement to emerging “man-targeted” congregations.

 

David Murrow is the direction of Church for Men, after being a television producer for over twenty years. He has produced material ranging from Miss America to Dr. Phil. He is also an elder in the Presbyterian Church (USA).

 

by Mike Stidham